CryptoQuant Warns Bitcoin Now Entering 'Oopsie-Daisy' Cycle

The esteemed prognosticators at CryptoQuant have finally confirmed what many suspected while staring blankly at their portfolios: Bitcoin is, indeed, entering its much-anticipated 'Oopsie-Daisy' cycle. Their CEO, with the gravitas of a meteorologist predicting rain during a hurricane, declared that 'most on-chain indicators are bearish.' A truly profound insight, one might say, especially given that many of us already felt a certain chill wind blowing through our digital wallets.

It seems the mystical 'macro liquidity' — that elusive fairy dust of the financial world — has decided to take a much-needed sabbatical. Consequently, we are now to brace ourselves for what analysts are bravely calling a 'bear cycle,' a development as surprising as discovering that gravity still works after jumping off a cliff.

Rest assured, your investment, much like our collective hope, is merely undergoing a 'correction' before its inevitable, glorious, and entirely speculative return to the moon. Or, perhaps, further into the earth's core. Who can say? The indicators, after all, are only 'mostly' bearish. There's always hope for a minor hiccup before the true 'oopsie.'