Crispr Cures Diabetes, Unlocks Latent Ability To Fold Laundry

The scientific community is reportedly experiencing a mild existential crisis after new reports confirm that CRISPR technology has not only offered a definitive 'adios' to a patient's Type 1 diabetes, but has also, quite unexpectedly, activated a profound, almost spiritual aptitude for folding laundry. One must ponder whether humanity's destiny is truly to conquer disease, or merely to achieve perfectly stacked delicates.

This groundbreaking procedure involved re-engineered pancreatic cells, which now merrily churn out insulin, freeing the patient from the tyranny of daily injections and, even more remarkably, from the need for those ever-so-lucrative immunosuppressants. Pharmaceutical giants are no doubt scrambling to develop a new line of chronic conditions to offset this unforeseen dip in their ‘lifelong management’ portfolios.

While the patient’s health has seen undeniable improvement, observers are left to wonder about the broader societal implications. Will future gene therapies promise not just longevity, but also impeccable domestic skills? Will the next cure for cancer come with a complimentary urge to alphabetize spice racks? The future, it seems, is not just healthier, but suspiciously well-organized.