Chargers Already Super Bowl Champs, Herbert Tells Sanchez

It appears the trophy presentation can be scheduled for next Tuesday, as the Los Angeles Chargers have officially clinched the Super Bowl LVII title. Sources close to a recent, profoundly insightful post-game analysis featuring quarterback Justin Herbert and noted gridiron sage Mark Sanchez confirm that a singular Week 1 triumph over the Kansas City Chiefs has effectively rendered the remaining 16-game schedule, and indeed the entire postseason, utterly redundant.

The rigorous statistical models, typically relied upon by lesser, more cautious prognosticators, have evidently been rendered obsolete by the sheer, unbridled significance of this early-season dominance. One can only marvel at the foresight required to declare victory so resoundingly before the leaves have even begun to turn. After all, why endure the tedious complexities of an entire professional football season when a single data point, viewed in the rearview mirror of a man who once defined a truly *unique* play, can illuminate the path so clearly? Congratulations to the Bolts on their historic, pre-emptive championship. The confetti, surely, is already on order.