BlackRock To Charge Frenzy Fee On Bitcoin Transactions

BlackRock, ever the innovator in the noble pursuit of shareholder value, is reportedly poised to introduce a groundbreaking “frenzy fee” on Bitcoin transactions. This revolutionary charge, levied during periods of heightened market volatility (or, as some might call it, 'Tuesday'), is designed to monetize the sheer emotional expenditure of retail investors. After all, why should mere price swings generate profit only for the lucky few when the collective anxiety of the many goes uncompensated?

Sources close to the financial behemoth suggest the fee will be dynamically adjusted, peaking precisely when your neighbor’s cousin, who just discovered crypto last week, starts talking about lambos. It’s a genius stroke of market psychology, ensuring that BlackRock can now capture value not just from asset management, but from the very palpable sense of dread and/or unfounded optimism that fuels the digital asset space. While other firms fret over *what* to trade, BlackRock is busy figuring out how to charge you for *how* you feel about trading. It's just smart business, really, leveraging the human condition itself as a new asset class.