Bitcoin Hits $120k; Value Now Determined By Collective Delusion

It appears the digital gold rush continues its relentless march toward... well, whatever abstract number its fervent adherents deem appropriate this week. Bitcoin, the venerable patriarch of pixels and speculative euphoria, has once again defied gravity, sense, and the laws of physics by soaring past the $120,000 mark. Financial pundits, their faces admirably straight, are busy dissecting the "resistance levels" and "breakout points" of a cryptocurrency whose tangible worth remains resolutely confined to the collective agreement of its evangelists. One can almost hear the whirring of thousands of computers, tirelessly burning fossil fuels to validate transactions for this truly revolutionary innovation.

Meanwhile, its less-glamorous cousin, XRP, reportedly struggles to keep pace. One imagines it's like watching a slightly less well-funded pyramid scheme attempting to recruit new participants – admirable effort, but the sheer momentum of the larger con is hard to match. Experts agree that this volatile dance of digits is perfectly normal and totally not a sign of a global casino running on pure, unadulterated hope and the vague promise of future greater fools. The future of finance, indeed, has never looked more ethereal.