Bitcoin Guide Omits Crucial Step: Time Travel

It's always refreshing to see another "Beginner's Guide to Investing in Bitcoin" grace the internet, bravely entering the arena just a mere decade or so after the optimal entry points. One might even call it a triumph of optimism over, well, reality. While these earnest tomes painstakingly detail wallet setup and exchange selection, they consistently overlook the most pivotal prerequisite for truly impactful returns: the ability to transcend the linear progression of time itself.

Indeed, for many hopeful entrants into the volatile world of cryptocurrency, the most profitable investment strategy involves a working flux capacitor and a date stamp somewhere around 2010. Absent this crucial piece of temporal technology, a "beginner" is largely left to navigate the dizzying volatility of an established, yet still largely speculative, asset class, often under the watchful, if somewhat bewildered, eye of regulators like the Financial Conduct Authority. It seems the real "how-to" is less about digital wallets and more about altering the past. Perhaps a supplementary guide is in order: "Advanced Bitcoin Investing: A Primer on Temporal Displacement."