Bitcoin Dips To $0, Local Man Confidently Buys The Dip

As the last flicker of Bitcoin's value winked out of existence this Tuesday, rendering countless digital fortunes into the purest form of theoretical zero, local man Bartholomew "Bart" Crumpler remained unshaken. Clasping a tattered printout of what was once his substantial crypto portfolio, Mr. Crumpler confidently declared his intent to "buy this generational dip."

When probed on the practicalities of acquiring an asset with no discernable market price, no available sellers, and indeed, no functional ledger to record the transaction, Bart merely scoffed. "They said it couldn't go below $10,000," he mused, "then below $100. Now it's hit absolute rock bottom. The only way is up, baby!" He then elaborated on his belief that institutions would soon recognize the unparalleled opportunity in acquiring... well, nothing, for nothing. Critics who might point to historical speculative bubbles, such as Tulip mania, were dismissed as "lacking vision." Mr. Crumpler is reportedly now attempting to exchange his last physical dollars for a theoretical fraction of a nonexistent digital coin, certain this is where true wealth is made in cryptocurrency.