Bitcoin Architect Assures Investors Its Bubble Is Non-Euclidean

It appears the universe of digital finance has recently been gifted its own Euclid, as Bitcoin luminary Jeff Park, a man whose professional allegiances include ProCap BTC and Bitwise, has graciously informed the plebeian masses that comparisons to the Dot-com bubble are, frankly, gauche. Despite the persistent, unhelpful murmurs from figures like Paul Tudor Jones about "1999 vibes," Mr. Park, presumably having consulted the sacred texts of advanced mathematics and bespoke economics, assures us this time it's different.

Indeed, why would anyone look to history when one has an architect of the very asset in question providing such comforting reassurances? The current "macro regime," he postulates, operates on a set of principles entirely unique to itself, perhaps drawing inspiration from Escher prints or the very fabric of spacetime. This isn't a bubble; it's a meticulously crafted, multi-dimensional, non-Euclidean sphere of value, utterly immune to the petty gravitational forces that afflicted mere terrestrial assets a quarter-century ago. Investors, naturally, can now rest easy, knowing their digital fortunes are founded on geometries yet to be fully comprehended by conventional finance.