Banks Unveil 'Digital Cash,' Promises Not To Decentralize It

It seems the titans of finance, including such venerable institutions as BNY Mellon and Citi, have finally caught wind of this peculiar 'internet money' phenomenon. After years of admirably cautioning the public against the dangers of anything resembling decentralized finance, these bastions of stability are now championing their *own* innovative solution: 'digital cash'. Yes, that's right. By 2030, we could see a staggering $3.6 trillion of these new, bank-approved 'tokenized deposits' and 'stablecoins' gracing our digital ledgers.

The revolutionary twist? This 'digital cash' promises to *not* decentralize anything. Instead, it offers the unparalleled convenience of having your monetary affairs processed with blockchain-inspired efficiency, all while safely nestled within the familiar confines of traditional financial oversight. Gone are the days of worrying about pesky things like true peer-to-peer transactions or genuine financial autonomy. Now, you can enjoy the bleeding edge of technology, confident that your digital funds will remain firmly within the same esteemed hands that have always looked out for your best interests. Truly, a triumph of innovation without the tiresome burden of actual change.