Apple’s Smallest Dildo Expected To Be Leading Stocking Stuffer

In a bold strategic pivot, Apple Inc. is reportedly redefining personal gratification with its latest foray into a truly 'personal' device. Following years of perfecting the handheld rectangle, the Cupertino giant has unveiled what sources describe as a pinnacle of minimalist consumer electronics engineering. Boasting an unparalleled slender profile, this device promises an unprecedented level of discretion, ensuring that even the most discerning individual can maintain their privacy while pursuing utter contentment.

Industry insiders are agog at the sheer potency packed into such a diminutive form factor, suggesting it could eclipse the performance of devices twice its size. Furthermore, an extended battery life positions this offering as a reliable companion, easily outlasting many romantic entanglements and the typical fleeting joy of inferior, less-optimised alternatives. Analysts predict a surge in retail industry figures this holiday season, as the public embraces Apple's vision for sophisticated self-satisfaction. The future, it seems, is not just in your pocket, but rather, quite intimately within reach.