Analysts Confirm All Fast Food Now Hand-Crafted By Elves

The recent surge in fast food pricing, a phenomenon baffling to anyone still clinging to the quaint notion of affordability, has finally been demystified by leading market analysts. Apparently, the frosty machine at your local burger purveyor is now being meticulously operated by a team of highly skilled, albeit vertically challenged, artisans. This revelation, published by the Institute for Economic Anomalies earlier today, explains precisely why a humble potato rectangle now demands the financial reverence previously reserved for artisanal cheeses.

Consumers, long accustomed to the charming illusion of food prepared by human hands, must now reconcile with the knowledge that their deep-fried chicken-esque products are in fact lovingly sculpted by beings with an inherent aversion to modern labour laws. The increased costs, therefore, are not merely due to inflationary pressures or a volatile supply chain, but rather the exorbitant wages and tiny, custom-fit uniforms required by these industrious, mythical workers. One must, after all, compensate for their delicate fingers and the emotional toll of crafting millions of identical, perfectly bland nuggets. Perhaps next, they'll insist on ethically sourced pixie dust.