AI Solves Tedious Problem Of Consistent Market Returns

It seems the long-suffering retail investor, previously condemned to the purgatory of "diversification)," can finally breathe a sigh of relief. For far too long, the unbearable burden of merely average market returns has plagued those who simply wish to outpace the professionals without, you know, becoming one. But fear not, the machines are here to liberate us from this cruel fate.

Cutting-edge agentic AI tools are now poised to bestow upon every individual with an internet connection the mythical "institutional-grade analysis." This miraculous technology promises to unravel the market's deepest secrets, allowing even the most casual retail investors to effortlessly achieve returns once reserved for those with, well, actual institutions. Forget the quaint, old-fashioned notion of spreading risk; apparently, that was just a subtle ploy to keep you poor. The future is here, and it's powered by algorithms designed to ensure consistent, above-market success, a concept previously thought to exist only in the fever dreams of late-night infomercials. Finally, the "problem" of balanced portfolios and incremental growth is solved.